An Eagle, Waiting, and Stepping Back

An Eagle

We weren't sure it was going to happen or not, but we are so happy and relieved that our Brennan chose to finish earning his Eagle Scout Award. (In fact, he turned his papers in 2 hours before his 18th birthday! Yeah, we think it may be a record!)

At his Eagle Court of Honor, we showed a video of him and his life and experiences in scouting. I'm very proud of him for following through and finishing because he WANTED to-- not because his parents made him do it. Even if it was in just the nick of time! ;-)

Waiting

This same boy has ALL his mission paperwork in, and so we WAIT. And WAIT. And WAIT. It's been 3 and a half LONG weeks, and still no call. Yes, I am impatient. In fact, I am the one that keeps bugging my boy to check the mail, and then I watch him out the window to see if he brings back that elusive, mysterious, WONDERFUL, big, white envelope.

I will update the blog as soon as we know WHERE and WHEN!!!

(Hmmm... I wonder if the mail is here yet...)

My boy-- SOON.

Stepping Back

I did something very difficult, yet wonderful; with regret, yet relief.

I'm not teaching Shakespeare.

{What did you say???}

I'M NOT TEACHING SHAKESPEARE.

{Woah.}

After making all my lovely plans for a new curriculum and approach, after training other moms how to teach it, after getting all my ducks in a row, and then getting VERY sick...

 I QUIT. 

I hit my brick wall, and found that I could not do it all. (Shocking, I know.) I had to choose between being in charge of our homeschool group this year, or teaching Shakespeare. (*sniff*)

And so, I chose duty over passion.

It's good for me. And I have a great deal of PEACE about the decision. And two other moms stepped up to take on my class of 32 students!!! (Sorry, guys.) Usually the classes are smaller, but I like to teach big groups, so I let a lot of kids in. (Oops.)

These women are SAINTS.

So while I have a twinge a sadness, I also feel so relieved and happy.

Heavenly Father is teaching me lots of good, important lessons this year. There are beautiful things on the horizon, and I will get there, eventually. 

I'm excited to see what the future holds!

Love, Mama Rachel

Pregnancy Update: 26 Weeks

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! The baby is very active and my belly is growing every day. I'm having lots of lovely stomach muscle stretching pain-- more than I've had for years. I think it's due to the fact that I tightened those muscles up with all the Zumba classes I took. *sigh*

This past week, I wasn't eating like I should, and I could TOTALLY tell a difference! So yesterday I went back to making my green smoothies and keeping track of my protein, water drinking, etc.. In all my pregnancies, I have found I feel best when I follow Dr. Brewer's Pregnancy Diet. He originally created this way of eating for pregnant women suffering from, or threatening to have, pre-eclampsia.

For more on what the baby is doing right now, here's a quote from my Baby Center update for the week:

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches from head to heel.

NAMES!


There's nothing more to report on baby names, other than the fact that I have my quirky, LONG list of names, and I know it's useless to parade all the choices in front of Russell right now. (It's his turn to pick, though I get veto power. ;-D) He never decides until after the baby gets here.


Just for fun, here are a few (the list is much longer) on my Nameberry list. (Yes, I am a major Name Nerd):

• Arthur
• Darcy
• Emrys (In my dreams...)
• Finn
• Grady
• Hamilton
• Lennox
• Malcolm
• Thane

Quick quiz: Did you notice any Shakespearean names? Which ones?

If you'll excuse me, I must now go and make myself a spinach and avocado omelet and a cup of pregnancy tea...

Love,
Mama

In Which We Are Sick

"Breakfast in Bed" by Mary Cassatt

I've been sick for a week now, a few of the sick kids in our family have recovered, my tiny girls have fevers, and HALF of my cast-- including our Tevye, Golde, my Lliam, and Lazar Wolf-- are not able to talk or sing at present.

Did I mention the show opens on THIS Friday?

I was able to speak at the Forum this past weekend, but only just. I think at least one of my recordings will be unusable. :-p (Darn coughing fit!)

I sit here hardly able to breathe, my throat feeling like I've swallowed shards of glass.

We need a miracle.

And since I know the power of prayer and have experienced first hand the awesome effect that faithful friends can have, I humbly ask any who can to please send up a little prayer or two...

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!!

Love,
Rachel

Peaceful

I want to thank you all for your prayers. I have felt them giving me peace and strength this week. I so appreciate all your active faith in my behalf!

I have not miscarried-- everything seems to be just fine. My husband and kids have been vigilant about keeping me down and resting, and I feel like it's been the right, best thing to do. I am trying to get an appointment with a midwife, but we've been playing phone tag, and honestly, I'm not feeling anxious or worried about it.

I did get out on Tuesday afternoon for our Fiddler on the Roof auditions. (I just couldn't reschedule and let all those kids down!) There's no way I could have done it without the amazing help of my producer, assistant director, and the other audition committee members. My assistant director, Melissa, especially organized the day, numbered the order of the kids auditioning, arranged rooms, ran errands, and even got the kids to bring in a COUCH for me to sit on! Yes, I am one blessed girl! She is awesome to work with!!!

The audition process took AGES-- from 11:30am to 5:30pm that night! I have been known to be faster than that, BUT the kids were all so amazing, that it was DIFFICULT to cast! Thank goodness for the guidance of the Holy Ghost! We even toyed with the idea of double-casting the show, but that means more work for everyone, so I decided to go with giving some of the kids understudy roles. I hope they're all excited to get started on the show. :-)

I will continue to take the rest of this week off, and then see how things go thereafter. I think I'm going to need to commit myself to taking one nap a day, but I feel a calm about everything.

The Lord is so good!

Thanks again, everyone!!!

Love,
Rachel

Holding on to Hope

Artwork by Greg Olsen

This weekend has been a bit frustrating. And I've been really hesitant to share what's been going on. But, due to my present circumstances, it's becoming necessary-- how else can I explain why I've had to put the brakes on my very busy life?

Sigh.

Friday morning I asked Russell for a priesthood blessing. I try not to ask him for blessings too much because I tend to prefer that means of communicating to the Lord, (I like to hear the words) and I have been known to abuse it a bit. Yet in the last week or so I've felt prompted by the Holy Ghost to ask for one, so I did.

You see, after two miscarriages since Eryn was born, I am finding myself again in the early stages of pregnancy. I am keenly aware that my childbearing days are nearing their end, but in a sacred experience in the temple, I was told that there would be twelve. And that I would need to be BRAVE. That happened way back during the summer.

Anyway, Russell gave me a beautiful, concise, detailed blessing. I was told quite clearly that I would carry this baby to term, bringing another child into our family circle. And I was told to take very good care of myself physically, writing down the inspiration I receive. (See why I'm blogging about this now?) And I was reminded that I need to make a list of all of the good things I'm heavily involved in right now, and to PRIORITIZE them.

I felt such joy, peace, and relief after that beautiful blessing! I have been on edge for weeks, worried that I might miscarry this baby, too. I haven't told anyone I was expecting, except for Russell and my older kids, because of my fear of losing another pregnancy. It's still quite early; only seven weeks.

I resolved to do the things that the Lord has asked me to do. At ten o'clock I had to take Dierdre to her charm and poise class, and so I gathered up a notebook, pen, and the most recent Ensign magazine before heading out the door.

Her class lasts about 2 hours, (but it's far enough away from home that I don't want to go back and forth twice) so I dropped her off, grabbed myself a quick breakfast in the nearby Trader Joe's, and parked at a nearby park. It was a beautiful day and the park was quiet. I quietly turned on some relaxing music, ate my meal, and started to write.

I made a list of everything within my stewardship right now. Husband, children, homeschool, directing a musical, three church callings, unfinished projects. Growing a baby. Everything. As I went down the list, I felt the inspiration of the Lord touching my heart. I could see where I was worrying unnecessarily, and what things I could simplify and re-work. It felt good. I had peace knowing that I was doing what the Lord had counseled me to do.

I went to pick up my daughter, and visited with her teacher for quite some time about her midwife. She gave me her reasons why she liked her so much, and told me more about her practice and how she worked. I felt good about her recommendation. I determined to go home and talk to Russell about it so that we can start planning and saving to pay for the birth.

I finally allowed myself to get excited about the pregnancy, seeing that we would really be getting a new baby out of this! I could relax and rejoice. I even started playing with baby names again. (One of my favorite things!)

After I arrived home, I made a scary discovery-- I was bleeding. Only a tiny bit, but still. That's how my last two miscarriages started. I ran to Russell, panicked. What about the blessing? What about the promises of the Lord? I thought I had done what He asked of me. Had I done something wrong?

I quickly laid down, and Russell and I talked. He told me that he had hesitated to make those promises in the blessing, but that the Spirit had pushed and prodded him to say those things exactly in that way. I took deep breaths, and remembered the story of an acquaintance who had been able to keep from going into labor with one of her babies by rubbing lavender essential oil on her abdomen. So I applied some lavender oil and prayed and PRAYED. The words "Faith is a verb" kept going through my mind.

Since then I have put myself on bedrest. I'm not out of the woods, yet, so Russell and the kids have taken over. I look at my calendar and try not to panic. This was going to be a very busy week for me! Auditions for the musical are on this Tuesday-- Valentine's Day, not to mention I had some big plans for Russell and I that evening.

Now I think I understand better about what the Lord meant when He told me to prioritize. I'm working my way through one moment at a time. We'll see what this week holds. But I am also trusting in the Lord's promise that I will carry this baby to term, that he or she will be okay. I need to do my part and follow the promptings of the Spirit, so can know what is most important for me to do right now, and not endanger the life of this new little one.

Thanks for listening. Any prayers would be most welcome.

Love,
Rachel

Unplugged: Part One

In the midst of the droning hum of computers, appliances, and continuous music, my husband and I decided to do something different to welcome in the New Year.

But, let me back up for a moment.

A few months back I resolved to quit Facebook. And I'm happy to say that I'm still on that path. (Though I do answer messages and direct comments on my FB Wall-- which doesn't happen too often, thank goodness.)

Anyway.

I thought that quitting Facebook would be the cure for my Internet addiction, and while it helped, I still hadn't stopped wasting too much time online. (In fact, I began to substitute Pinterest for Facebook. Whoops.)

So.

I prayed for help in kicking my addiction, and one day, in a rare quiet moment, the Spirit gave me the idea to have a media fast-- a week of disconnecting from the Internet, e-mail, movies, (we haven't watched television in years) and even eliminating listening to music from any machine. No i-Pods, i-Tunes on the computer, CD players, radios, nothing. (I did still allow my children to MAKE music on the various instruments in our house.)

I discussed the idea with my husband, and we both had a freeing happiness come over us. Ah, yes! This experiment was just the thing!

Now, we did have to create some exceptions for my husband. He is a web programmer, after all. But he decided to leave his work laptop at the office, and committed to joining us in the fast whenever he was home.

As we headed off to bed Sunday evening on January first, my husband shut down and even unplugged all three computers, our printer, the speakers, the wireless network and cable modem.

The silence was deafening.

The Switch

Monday dawned nice and early for us, Russell heading in to work before the sun rose.

I started thinking through a plan that Russell and I had discussed involving the switching of rooms with our seven girls so they would have more mirrors, more closet space, and more room for their baby sister. We felt that the media fast would be a great time to get this major moving project-- complete with "New Year Deep Cleaning"-- done. One major change that would HAVE to happen before switching was that the smaller room needed painting. For some strange reason, Russell just didn't like the idea of sleeping in a room with light lavender walls. (Go figure.) We decided to go to the home improvement store later that night to get some paint and supplies.

The kids and I had a hard time getting moving, but we eventually got the girls room packed up and  lots of my cluttered sewing supplies into boxes and put in the outbuilding in our backyard. (Hooray for strong teenage sons!)

When Russell got home he took the girls' bunk beds apart (and enormous job!), moved them into our front room, and the girls staked out spots on the couches to sleep on.

Day one ended with satisfaction, minimal whining, and that good, tired feeling that comes from working hard.

One day down, the new year was shaping up to look pretty good!

Why I'm Quitting Facebook

"Lady Looking at Drawings" by Adolpho Belimbau, 1894

... {Or maybe I should title this post "Goodbye Facebook, Hello Life!"}

It is no secret that I have loved spending time on Facebook. I am a BIGTIME social butterfly, and FB made it so very easy to not only connect, but "hang out" with some of my favorite people in the universe-- especially friends I haven't seen in ages or family members I don't get the chance to see very often.

BUT... Starting today, I am quitting, jumping ship, abandoning cyberspace, whatever you want to call it, because I need to be a big girl and LIVE MY LIFE.

For anyone who'd like me to be more specific, I give you my "Reasons Why I'm Quitting Facebook" List:

MY REASON NUMBER ONE:  

It is frightening, but true, that my house, my family, and MY CHILDREN have suffered because of all this wonderful socializing I've been doing. My children would have an easier time recognizing the back of my head in a crowd than they would know me seeing my face.

And that is, frankly, TRAGIC.

My kids are growing up, moving on, and they need a REAL MOTHER. With a face and everything.

REASON NUMBER 2:

I'm sure this will shock everyone, but I have a very addictive personality. With almost anything (well, anything pleasant) I don't hesitate-- I JUMP in with both feet!

And Facebook has been no different for me. For example, I have almost 600 friends, I have a ton of pictures posted, I change my profile picture and information at least every month, if not every week, and I feel it is my duty to comment or "Like" all of my friends' posts, pictures, links, and notes. (What if someone thinks I don't like them?!)

REASON NUMBER 3:

I am in the midst of several IMPORTANT writing projects, and I have sadly been wasting my precious, scheduled "Writing Time" hanging out on Facebook. And so the only writing that's been happening has been rushed, poorly-written blog articles. And only because of deadlines. Oops.

I have finally realized that typing LOL and {{{HUGS}}} over and over again is not really helping me improve my writing skills-- ya know?

REASON NUMBER 4:

I recently had an epiphany about Facebook itself. In the last few weeks, Facebook has changed its format-- which it does quite often.

But this recent change really frustrated me. It came right at a time when I was trying to reasonably reduce the amount of time I was wasting there, and yet the new changes were taking away my choices of what friends and stories I wanted to see. It also added a feature that showed everything that my friends were saying, commenting on, posting to OTHER friends-- people I do not know.

The privacy issues at Facebook are now more intrusive than ever. And with all the "Friends" I have on Facebook, I have neither the time nor inclination to comb through every friend and change my settings for them.

Not only that, how could I know that ALL my friends would also be willing to do the same for me? It was like, the people at Facebook were TRYING to get me to waste more of my time there, adjusting and fixing everything, and getting comfortable with the new format.

And then it hit me. Right between the eyes.

YES! They WANT me to WASTE MY TIME hanging out on Facebook. 

But why? What do they care?

BECAUSE, the more time people STAY on Facebook, the more likely people are to click on an ad, (supporting their sponsors, which is how they earn money) or play a game where I spend money on non-existent items.

Guess what, folks? FACEBOOK IS THE NEW TELEVISION. Facebook keeps people distracted, busy, obsessed with doing NOTHING, all in the name of earning money. Sound familiar?

I used to think that Facebook was "The New Town Square," the place where "The Great Debate" was going on. I am now ashamed to say that I talked MANY people into joining Facebook using this argument.

But it's not true.

Does anyone really do any deep, meaningful thinking while they're on Facebook?

How about nurturing relationships--with those CLOSEST to us???

Does Facebook make our homes happier places?

Does it add to, or take away from, our family togetherness?

I think these are questions worth asking. And so I did.

And the answer I came to was that even though Facebook is an ego-boost for me, even though I enjoy yakking to everyone else in the world, and even though I've been able to stay in touch with many wonderful people, I find myself with a choice-- as my wonderful cousin-in-love ReNee put it-- between GOOD, BETTER, and BEST.

And today, I've chosen.

P.S.-- I will keep my blogs attached to my Facebook account, so that anyone who wants to know what's going on with me and mine can stay in touch. I have decided that the Blogosphere is really where "the Great Conversation" is happening, and I'll be working on my writing skills there. I would also love an e-mail from any of my friends and family, as well. You can always get in touch with me at libermama at gmail dot com. 

Love,
Rachel

August Update

Funny Miss Eryn

First of all, I am STILL off sugar. (Yay!) I passed the 2 week mark this past Wednesday, and I am feeling GREAT! I'm still taking just one day at a time, but I have been surprised that it's been easier than I supposed-- especially when I have sweet and amazing teenaged daughters who have been experimenting with honey-sweetened treats. (Thanks, girls!)

Morganne with Mr. Tumnus

 Secondly, we adopted a new little mutt-doggie whom we've named "Mr. Tumnus." Poor little guy came from a family who was never home, and he was suffering from separation anxiety with them. But he has mellowed and settled in with our family, I guess because we're nearly ALWAYS home! LOL! He has been a wonderful addition to our family!

Worn out kids (And I have no idea why Grayse insisted on wearing footie pj's and snuggled under a quilt!)

Summertime always gives us a bit of cabin fever (HOT here!), so the kids have been getting more creative. Which is GOOD and bad. (Depending on the age, really.) We've been pretty busy, and August is no exception. I've been really looking forward to a new study group we are forming, based on "Fourth Turning" principles. Our first meeting is tonight, and I'm STOKED! :-)

A New Block Wall! YAY!!!

 Our wonderful landlord hired a fast crew to put up a new block fence in our backyard. The old fence was wood that had rotten to the point that it would fall down when a strong wind came up. Russell and the boys tried fixing it over and over and over again, but the wood was just too old to stay up. Now we don't have to worry about it any more. Hooray!!!

Three little cuties in a great Goodwill-found office chair

Adorable Miss Grayse Dawn

We are traveling to CA soon for a Williams family reunion at my sister, Gina's house. The kids are sooo excited to go to the beach for the first time! I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures to share when we get back.

Ronan turned eight yesterday, and will baptized on the 20th. (I'm excited to share his special day soon!) Russell and I have our 19th anniversary on the 14th, Lliam turns 15 on the 23rd, and I turn 29 (again) on the 30th. (Wow, that's a lot of numbers in that sentence...)

Happy August, everybody! :-)

Five Days Sugar Free!

I think I can...

I think I can...

I think I can...

And I am!

Whenever I get a craving for something sweet, I eat fruit, or fruit sweetened bars. (They are really yummy!) And my sweet Bonny even made me some sugar free molasses cookies the other day. They were great!

I'm finding that if I eat meals on time, then I don't crave sweets as much. BUT, if I don't eat when hunger starts to set in, then I want SUGAR almost immediately.

I've also found that drinking water often helps, because sometimes my body misinterprets my thirst for hunger. So I'm working on being more hydrated, too.

Thanks for all the support! It really helps me A LOT, because I now have lots of folks to answer to. YAY! I appreciate y'all cheering me on! :-D

Conquering a Sugar Addiction

I have ALWAYS had a sweet tooth. You know the obsession that kids have with candy and how they want it all the time, and would eat it all the time, if they could? That was me. As a grown-up.

And no, ladies, I am not big on chocolate. I'll eat it, it's fine. But. I. Love. CANDY. (And Cookies.)

You know that kind of person who buys the marshmallow Peeps as soon as they hit the shelves, and then keep them stocked in their cupboards until that particular holiday is over? (Did you know they have Peeps for pretty much every holiday but Labor Day now? It's true!)



That was me.


Until now.

See, this thing called "getting older" has been happening to me. (dang!) I feel out of balance, my teeth are not doing well, and I'm having issues with my thyroid. (Whee... I told you I was getting old.)

It is not pretty, let me tell you!

I've been justifying my sweets-munching habit, because I started drinking green smoothies, exercising, eating more veggies, drinking kefir, and trying to be more conscious of the portion size on my plate.

So I figured I didn't need to give up my beloved sweets.

And then, yesterday morning I woke up knowing that I had to do more to take care of the body the Lord has given me. I realized that I have been an unwise steward, and it's coming back to bite me in my ever-expanding-you-know-what...

So, I decided that just for yesterday I would go 24 hours without ANY sugar. None. Zip. Na-da.

And I did it! I was so proud! But I figured that was a good test of my self-control, and that I would be free and clear to dive into the ice cream today.

THEN, I posted about my successful 24 hours on Facebook and voiced my uncertainty about going off sugar completely.

WOW! I had a huge response! My friends gave me so much support, encouragement, and even recipes, I started to think more seriously about quitting.

Honey: my new best friend!

I've decided to take it one day at a time, which feels less daunting to me at this stage in the game. After going today without ANY sugar, I feel much more balanced, my teeth are not bothering me, and I have more energy. My mind isn't as foggy.

Who knew?!

I think I CAN do this!

One day at a time.

*For more help in conquering my sugar addiction, I have found a great article that I highly recommend to others who might be battling their craving for sweets: Slay the Sugar Monster in Four Doable Steps

Talk About Living Simply!

Living Simply-- Is it possible today?

 Oh, my. I totally LOVE this woman's clutter-free, simple-living philosophy:

The Zero-Waste Home Blog

While I have very different reasons for wanting to live in such a way, and while I could NEVER give up my precious book collection, I do admire what's she's been able to accomplish and I long for her simpler way of living. She's a modern-day Ma Ingalls!!!

Can you imagine how much less stress we'd all have if we lived with LESS STUFF in our lives? I am salivating at the possibilities!

Now, do you think there's any chance I can talk my girls into giving up a ton of clothes and shoes? (I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth even now!) Hmmmm...

To read and watch more about this family's amazing lifestyle, follow more link below:

• The Sunset Magazine Article (Where I heard about them first.)
• A Video of living with "Zero Waste"

This calls for more de-cluttering today. (Woo-hoo!!!)

Wednesday Pregnancy Report-- May 19

I'm sorry to interrupt all the renovation excitement to post about being pregnant, but I did make a goal to report here every Wednesday, and by golly, I'm gonna do it! ;-)

Today was my first midwife "home visit", where the midwife comes over to make sure she knows how to get here in a hurry, and so she can get a "lay of the land", so to speak. My midwife, Stephanie, and her assistant, Kate, are so delightful to be around! They really make me feel confident and pampered, and I love how they stay excited about me having a BABY. (Somedays, I tend to forget that that is the final goal...)

So they came to my chaotic, torn apart house and got to meet all the other "babies" we've got around here.

Everything is looking good, I'm measuring just about right and my blood pressure is nice and low. My ankle swelling was even down today, so they also got to meet my ankles for the first time!

The only thing I need to improve is my *sigh* water intake.

Why is this a hard thing for me?

It may be that drinking more water makes me need to "go" more often. It may be because I'm lazy. (A distinct possibility...) It may be because I'd rather drink milk.

Who knows, but I DO need to drink more WATER.

Any tips?

As for the baby, his/her head is down, heartbeat is good, and he/she is pretty active.

The last few weeks, I've decided it's a BOY. My four year old daughter has reassured me that this is true.

As for names, it is Russell's turn to pick. But I keep following him around with my "approved names" list. I'm not sure he appreciates it a whole lot.

We DO have the middle name for a boy decided already, so that's good. As for a girl, we're both puzzled. Could that be a sign that this baby is indeed a boy?

I guess we'll have to wait and see!

(I'll post more renovation pictures in the next day or two!)

Wednesday Pregnancy Report-- April 28

I know I'm sliding in this post at the last possible moment of the day, so I'll make this brief.

Introducing... My Wonderful Midwife!
This past Monday, I had my first official appointment with my new midwife, Stephanie and her assistant, Kate. I really like them both, and we all had a great time talking, listening to the baby's heartbeat, and reminiscing about my ten other births. I am really excited to work with them! :-)

This morning:

I woke up feeling good, but then my attitude grew sour as I made a HUMONGOUS batch of whole wheat pancakes (half blueberry, half not) but hadn't yet eaten.

Haven't you heard? Pregnant mommies get cranky when they've not been fed...

Anyway, I did finally make myself a cup of pregnancy tea and drank a tall glass of water. That seemed to help calm the hungry-mommie beast a little bit. And then the pancakes REALLY helped me feel better.

But I still felt over-tired today, so I was very relieved and grateful when my husband took the two big kids to their "Key of Liberty" class this morning. I did go and pick them up later, but it was so nice to only pick then up, and not have to sit and wait somewhere until their class was done. (Thank you, Honey!!!)



In other news: SUGAR!!!

I am trying to wean myself off of sugar. SURELY, I can do this for the last two months of my pregnancy for the baby's sake! So, after this batch of cold cereal is gone, I won't be getting any more. *gasp!*

A small victory happened when I didn't bully my son out of his hard-earned candy after class today. *grin* (Though he did give me three small pieces of DOTS candy out of pity and love. But I didn't ask him to!)

We announced to the girls that we need them to stop baking cookies, muffins, and cakes. Unless they're sweetened with honey or agave syrup. *sigh*

Wish me luck that I can "beat" this thing called sugar addiction... (I think I can... I think I can...)

Poisoning Our Children?

It has recently come to light that mercury is used in the process of making High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). (What's scary is that the FDA has known about it, and done nothing!)

As a mother of children who have been adversely effected by mercury poisoning, I wanted to pass this on. And now my little MacKenna has begun exhibiting some Asperger's symptoms, but I have noticed that these symptoms show up only after she eats processed foods-- most of which contain HFCS. HFCS is highly addictive, and turns off the "you're full" button for most people's appetites. Does that mean more money for food companies? You betcha! Conspiring men in the last days? I believe that statement goes beyond the cigarette companies! Is there any wonder why obesity (especially in children) is on the rise? Just look at the labels on ALL the processed foods in your pantry tonight, and count how many things contain HFCS.

If you've seen the documentary "King Corn," you may remember that the process for making HFCS is "patented." In that film, the HFCS PR person would not let the filmmakers in the plant. (If you haven't seen that movie, you can watch it for free on Netflix, if you have a membership. I highly recommend it! King Corn)


Here's an article about the HFCS-mercury connection from US News and World Report.

And from the Washington Post.

Thanks go to Michal at "Relishing Motherhood" for sharing this on her blog. (She has some wonderful things to say about this, as well as a few more links.)

We were toning down our ingestion of HFCS in our home, but now I will be even more vigilant. This news is scary, but unintentionally poisoning our children is much much worse!

Being an Overweight Lady

Today, on an LDS discussion board, I read through a thread about a study done in which LDS people were said to be fatter than many other groups of people. The thread headed in many directions, with some people saying that fat people just need to eat better, and there were some people airing their frustrations about gaining weight. I admit, I'm in the second camp! I wrote a heartfelt reply, and thought it would be good to record it here...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confession time:

I have struggled terribly with my weight since I hit puberty. Overnight I suddenly had to kill myself exercising just so I could stay the "overweight friend" in school. I once read a book by an LDS author who stated that any overweight young lady who was fat, was obviously not keeping the Word of Wisdom. It literally crushed me! :( I worked much harder than any of my skinny, cute, junk-eating friends, yet I never looked like they did, and now I was "less worthy" and "less righteous" than them as well!

Now, 8 kids later, and many sizes bigger, I am eating healthier than I have EVER eaten in my life! (In high school I went on a 1,000 calorie diet, though most days I only ate about 600 calories a day! [Eek!] ) NO processed foods, no sugar, whole grain wheat and grains, lots of organic produce, etc., etc. My DH and I keep a combined effort to stay healthy, yet we remain plump. With this last pregnancy, when my midwife would check my blood pressure each month, she would go on and on about how amazingly healthy I am. She even told me that my body is "made to make babies!" :D (ya think?!)

I have come to the conclusion that FAT does NOT equal "UNHEALTHY." The Lord NEVER stated that we should weigh within certain limits. You can't tell me that the person who has gastric bypass surgery is healthier than me, just because they're now thin! But I am doing lots of things to be healthy!

Being a fat person stinks. I hate being judged and ignored because I don't look perfect on the outside. People just look right past me and ignore me, until they hear my comments about something, or get to know me better. Then it's like they've finally noticed I exist. It hurts, but I know that it is simply human nature. We DO judge people based on appearance. I just wish I knew what I could do differently to change mine. I have wasted years in the past obsessing and crying over every pound, and I'm not going to do that any more. I'm just grateful my DH thinks I'm a voluptuous babe! :D

I've heard it said that fat people show their weaknesses externally. I have, after many years, decided that this is just one of my trials in life. It is something I have to bear on this earth, but look out-- in the resurrection, I'm gonna be gorgeous! ;)

In the meantime, I'm so grateful for the internet, so now I can have a voice without having to help people get past my appearance. I am NOT less righteous because I am fat. I just get to wear one of my trials on my body, for all to see.

Winter Blahs

Today was not a stellar day for me. It was one of those days where I feel exhausted, but my house is a mess, and nothing was accomplished but the daily meals. (And I really should be working on dinner right now...)

I'm blaming the overcast day with no rain for most of my "yucks," but there's hormones going on, as well.

Is this a sorry excuse for today's journal entry? Maybe. But hopefully by recording "blah" days such as this, other days will seem brighter.

THEN... I read a message on the Mentoring Our Own list that inspired me. I think this would be a good place to record it! (Posted to the "Mentoring Our Own" list by Deborah.)
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Winter stress busters; what kind of stress am I feeling?

1. Overwhelmed? Focus on your leader self, rally to the big picture, use universal principles.

2. Bored? Focus on romantic self, serve spouse.

3. Tired? Exhausted? Burned out? Focus on vision, inventory built on vision.

4. Lonely? Under attack? Figure out what you don't want to do and stop doing it!

5. Anxiety? Worry? Focus on your manager self, capitalize on others' strengths, details.

6. None of the above? Reach out to others that are experiencing 1-5  

And last but not least; TRUST YOURSELF!!!!

(Taken from a LEMI call with Dr. Oliver DeMille-- 2006)