The End of October

A Boy and his Horse

Dear ones,

We had a good week, and the kids are all looking forward to the Halloween festivities for this weekend.

This past weekend, Daddy set the tent up in the Family room, and we had tin foil dinners and s'mores to eat, and even told stories before going to bed. (In front of a video of a fire in a fireplace. It reminded us all of the log house in Idaho! Except warmer. ;-D ) It was really nice.

Fiona

I have been meaning to tell you about our brave and courageous Bonny. You know how she was cast to play a soldier in The Nutcracker Ballet? Well, she found out that they were going to require her to dance at least one Sunday performance. She asked me what she should do, and I told her that she knew how I felt, but that it was HER decision to make, and she would have to pray about it, and get her own answer.

Right before General Conference, Bonny came to me and said that she had been praying about dancing on Sunday, and that she had decided to listen to each talk in conference to hear an answer from Heavenly Father.

Wow. I was so thankful for her faith!

So, conference came, and it was wonderful, of course. After it was over, Bonny came to me privately and told me that she had received her answer. The Spirit confirmed to her that she should uphold her standards and not dance on Sunday. She was told that she needed to be a good example to her older and younger siblings by keeping the Sabbath day Holy and standing for truth.

She went to rehearsal the following Saturday, with a prayer in her heart, and told her ballet instructor that she would not be dancing in any Sunday performance. The instructor told her to talk to the artistic director, and so Bonny went to talk to her, interrupting a lesson. She explained that it was against her personal standards to perform on Sundays. The artistic director looked at her and said, "Then, you are dismissed."

So Bonny called Daddy to come and get her early.

Before they arrived home, Daddy called me to let me know what had happened. I knew how much dancing in the Nutcracker means to Bonny, and how many years she has been wishing she could dance with Ballet Etudes in that show. I prepared to receive a very sad, distraught girl.

Instead, when Bonny walked in the door, she was walking tall, and GLOWING. Her face was filled with peace, and I was SOOO proud of her!!! I still am. :-)

Avalon lost her first tooth!

We hope you are enjoying the beautiful Fall weather-- it is still supposed to be in the 90's here this week! But I never count on the weather cooling off until Halloween. That's just Arizona!

We wish you all a Happy Halloween this weekend! Picture of cute kids in costumes will be forthcoming next week, I am sure! ;-)

Love,
The Momster

Brainwashing?

This video sooo inspired me today!!!

Do I "brainwash" my kids?

After watching this video, you tell me...



(I sure hope so!)

Love, Mama Rachel

Creating A Family Standard

For years, I have been convinced that our family needed a "Family Standard." But it wasn't until this past weekend that we finally finished ours!

Why do I think our family needs one?

Well, because there are problems and issues that keep cropping up and causing unrest and contention in our home-- rules and standards that my husband and I thought were understood, but obviously haven't been, due to the negatiove aspects going on.

So after reminders from our awesome stake president in a recent adult fireside, we decided to finally take action.

(Our stake president assured us that he and his wife have had plenty of "Family Home Grievings" in their home, where they look around and observe the weeping and wailing that comes from renewing and resolving missing standards. That gave me hope!!!)

Joan of Arc

In one of my FAVORITE parenting books, written by my good friend, Nicholeen Peck, she talks about having a Family Standard that is designed specifically for each family. In her book, she mentions how Joan of Arc would go into battle holding her standard, or flag, high so that all the men fighting would continue to have hope and courage to keep going.

Here's what one source said about that:

Joan never actually fought in battle or killed an opponent. Instead, she would accompany her men as a sort of inspirational mascot, brandishing her banner in place of a weapon. She was also responsible for outlining military strategies, directing troops and proposing diplomatic solutions to the English (all of which they rejected). Despite her distance from the front lines, Joan was wounded at least twice, taking an arrow to the shoulder during her famed Orléans campaign and a crossbow bolt to the thigh during her failed bid to liberate Paris.  

And from another source:

The purpose of the standard was to indicate a clear location to which her army could rally when dispersed in the confusion of battle. On several occasions when her troops were losing ground, Saint Joan of Arc is reported to have ridden into the midst of battle, using her standard to mark her position on the field, and rally her men on to victory.

"I loved my banner forty times better than my sword. And when I went against my enemy, I carried my banner myself, lest I kill any. I have never killed a man." In Her Own Words, p. 26  

Sometimes, I think our children just need to know FOR SURE where we stand on things, so that they can have courage to keep fighting, keep trying.

Opposition

I can't begin to tell you how difficult it was for us to write our standards out on paper. I have been distracted from the task for YEARS, remember! This last weekend we closed ourselves in our bedroom for a day and a half and did not come out until it was FINISHED.

During our standard's creation, my husband and I felt opposition from the adversary in a way that we rarely have before! It was like we were trying to slog through mud in a rainstorm, or trying to drive at 15 miles per hour in a blizzard with very little visibility. (Yes, I have done that before!)

But there was this spark that kept urging us on, and when one of us would get overwhelmed and ready to despair, the other would take up the task and sit down and write. The adversary was using every trick in the book, but at the same time, the Holy Spirit kept whispering words of comfort and encouragement.

We used the Church's booklet, "For the Strength of Youth" a LOT, quoting from it now and then, but also using its outline and format to organize our thoughts. I feel that, if the Lord has a outline and standard for the youth of the Church, then we should have one specific for our children, too!

Every family has a standard.

Whether it's stated or not, every family has a culture and law in how they do things. The standard may be that they don't have any rules! But they still have one by the way they live. If we want to guide the outcomes of the people our children (and ourselves!) become, we need to be sure to have the boundaries that we need set in place.

As I said above, my husband and I had made too many assumptions that our kids knew our expectations and reasons for why we do things the way we do, but as our kids get older, we have seen boundaries that we thought were strong, being bent and pushed. It is human nature to test boundaries, and our kids have been testing ours with a lot of persistence the last few years! We realized we needed to reinforce the boundaries, and build up the walls (Like Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon) to protect our family better from the slings and arrows of the adversary.

Our Family Standard

Our Family Standard turned out to be quite long (10 pages)-- and that's because we were very specific! It's easy to see the areas that have become of real concern to us. (Time wasting, management of electronic devices, pairing off in couples)

It's interesting that we have had some of the problems above, because we have never allowed any of our kids to have their own electronic devices. We have always talked openly to them about dating standards, and had very frank discussions about not getting romantically involved with others until they are of marriageable age. And yet, we've had issues come up.

Our kids may be homeschooled, but they don't live in a bubble! They know that all the kids at church have their own phones and i-Pods. They know that lots teens they know walk around with headphones in their ears all day. It is hard to be different!

 I know that we are very, VERY strict parents. BUT, we have worked hard to nurture the relationships we have with our children. That has been one of the REAL benefits in our homeschooling efforts, is that we KNOW our kids! We work on our relationships with them every single day, all day long. And because of that, they trust us. They have been meek and willing to take a look at what they've been doing, and have been willing to change.

Luckily, our family meeting went well. My husband and I are the first to admit that we have some real, BIG shortcomings that we need to overcome. We acknowledge that we are some of the worst perpetrators (especially of the time-wasting!) in our home. So we asked their forgiveness for setting bad examples. We asked for their help in overcoming our weaknesses.

And so, we avoided a "Family Home Grieving" episode, and instead, our home has been filled with peace and love.

Perfection? No.

But overflowing love and feelings of security and hope?

YES.

I am so glad that my husband and I pushed through the opposition and finally finished creating our standard. It is helping us all-- me included!-- feel like we have a direction and goals to become the very best disciples of Christ that we can be.

If you are interested in our Family Standard, you can read it here.

I pray ALL parents will have the strength to stand and hold up a righteous standard for their children to follow, however short, long, general, or specific they make it. The hope ours has given our family is real and powerful.

Love, Mama Rachel

Mission Call!!!

Our Missionary

I want to let my blogging buddies know that our boy, Brennan, received his mission call yesterday to serve in the WASHINGTON SPOKANE MISSION!!!

He will be preaching the Gospel in the English language and enters the Provo MTC on January 1st, 2013.

Happy New Year to him!!! :-)

Here's the video of the call opening, surrounded by friends and family (thanks to technology!).

Youth Standards

Artwork by Norman Rockwell

Okay, so there have a been a few little bits of "drama" that have been going on in my kids circle of friends that prompts me to write down my thoughts and ideas on the matter.

First of all, our family subscribes to the standards set forth in the booklet called "For the Strength of Youth" put out by our church (The LDS Church, a.k.a. "Mormon"). This is a wonderful guide for our whole family to follow, because it reminds us of the scriptural teachings regarding morality and spirituality that will bring us closer to Christ.

Image courtesy of lds.org

One thing in particular that we are currently dealing with, is when youth not of our faith don't understand my kids' standards with regard to DATING and PAIRING OFF. Here is what "For the Strength of Youth" says about it:

Not all teenagers need to date or even want to. Many young people do not date during their teen years because they are not yet interested, do not have opportunities, or simply want to delay forming serious relationships. However, good friendships can and should be developed at every age.

When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Make sure your parents meet those you date. You may want to invite your dates to activities with your family. Plan dating activities that are positive and inexpensive and that will help you get to know each other. Do things that will help you and your companions maintain your self-respect and remain close to the Spirit of the Lord. See 2 Corinthians 6:14

Notice the part I highlighted? This is where our family has decided to be in terms of dating until our youth are of marriageable age. We will allow casual group dating when we know the family well, AND when those they will be dating are of our same faith.

Recently, one of my oldest boys received a long, romantic poem written for him by a young lady in our circle of friends. It actually mortified my son, and caused lots of discomfort and concern for us, as parents. I have gone back and forth as to how to react. Do I share the letter with the young woman's parents? (It was written anonymously, but we're pretty certain as to it's author.) Do we ignore it? Or do we seek to educate this young lady regarding our family standards? Or would that embarrass her?

For now, the letter is in my possession, and I am grateful that my son feels comfortable enough in our relationship to share it with my husband and I. As to what to do about the young lady in question, I'm still praying about it. I will continue to do some sleuthing, and find out FOR SURE who wrote the poem and sent it. I'd appreciate any advice my readers here can give, as well!

One thing I WILL be doing, is laying down the law in my Shakespeare class regarding crushes and silliness between members of the cast. (The poem-letter was delivered during auditions last week. Yeah, I'm pretty UPSET about it!) There is nothing that can destroy the peace in a class, in a production, and in friendships like that kind of nonsense. Grrr!

Your thoughts? (Thanks in advance!)

Becoming "Un-Dragoned"

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt." From The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis

My heart and head have been so full these last couple of months. As I alluded to in a recent post, things have been rough this year. Here at home, money has been tight, and clients for Russell have been sporadic, but we're getting more and more used to living on faith alone. This fall, we found out a former neighbor and ward member was killed by his struggling son. And very recently, a hero of our family was arrested and his weaknesses laid out for the world, his family and all his friends to see. So many marriages of those we love have ended or are in major trouble. Dear friends have moved away as our homeschool community has dissolved and scattered to the wind.

Broken hearts seem to be everywhere around us.

Because of all this heartache, my family and I have been clinging to one another even more fiercely and reexamining where our priorities lie. We are rejecting the fruits the world has to offer, because we now see them for what they truly are: flimsy trappings that distract us from the true treasures Heavenly Father offers to all of us.

I love how C.S. Lewis put this in his wonderful work, "The Weight of Glory":

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Surprisingly, we've found that these things have also brought us to the feet of our Savior. We have seen far too many we care about fall over the edge, and we are moving as far away from it as we can get!

Around the same time that this devastation has been happening, we saw the need to abandon a family tradition that Satan had found a way to poison for us. I know this may seem like "no big deal" and "just a little thing" to many, but to us, it was a HUGE test.

Ever since the first Harry Potter movie came out in 2001, we have gone as a family to the first showing. This was usually the ONLY movie we ever spent money on to see with the whole family. (Movie ticket prices add up, even on matinees, when one has a family of thirteen!) We had read the series out loud in our family circle, waiting with baited breath until the next book came out. And we were experiencing the same thrill as each movie came out in theaters. We'd count down the days, and giggle as we headed out the door to stand in line to get a seat in the theater. (Again, finding thirteen seats all together was a job!)

And then, the news came out that the latest, longed-for, LAST movie had nudity in it.

*thud*

We were aghast. No, it couldn't be true. We researched it thoroughly. We found out EXACTLY what the scene was, and what was going on in it. Russell and I decided that we would not, COULD not, support the movie. The production team had gone too far, and we could not condone their actions.

We didn't know how on earth we were going to explain this to our children. I held my breath, thinking, "Please, Lord. I pray we have taught them well enough that they will understand."

And I also prayed that Russell and I would stand strong, and not make excuses that would expose our family to something we would never allow in any other movie they might view. We had to put principles ABOVE tradition.

To my great pleasure and relief, when we told our kids the new movie had nudity in it, their faces fell, and they declared that we could not go see it. There was no arguing, no pleading, no whining. The answer was clear.

So, you can see why we felt like we had passed a test. We had been confronted with a choice. Would we choose our family's chosen "idol"-- or the commandments of the Lord?

And after we made this choice, truth seemed to flow into our hearts and home. We have found things to read and ponder on that continue to bring us closer to Christ. We have rejected more of the world than we ever have before. Our "summer cottage in Babylon" is now a pile of glowing coals. Until we stepped out of the shadow of the idols we had set on a pedestal, we couldn't see the rewards and gifts God had waiting for us in the sun.

As a result of this journey to completely leave Babylon, I have been working every day to have the Spirit with me always, and to invite its presence in our home. I've been battling my weaknesses, and the easy path of the "natural man". I must have been really entrenched in Babylonian culture, because all this living close to the Spirit has been hard work-- definitely not for the faint of heart! I must admit, I feel a little like Eustace in the quote above. But as Eustace further explains:

"The only thing that made me bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off... It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

The other night, Russell and I went with some friends to see the latest Narnia movie, based on "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", in the theater. I still want to weep when I think about it. And now I wish we had the money to take all of our children to see it. THAT is the kind of movie that I want to support. And I am so very happy that the production team chose to quote so much of the book EXACTLY. Even the part where Aslan tells Lucy she can't come back to Narnia. When she replies that she won't meet him again, he says :

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.

"Are-- are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

 One of the sources of our discussions and ponderings these past few weeks, has been a talk that was given long ago by President Spencer W. Kimball. Below is the link, and a couple of excerpts from it. But PLEASE, read the entire article. It has changed my life for the better, and I know it can help others, too!

The False Gods We Worship

"Whatever thing a man sets his heart and his trust in most is his god; and if his god doesn’t also happen to be the true and living God of Israel, that man is laboring in idolatry."

"As the Lord himself said in our day, 'They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own God, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol, which waxeth old and shall perish in Babylon, even Babylon the great, which shall fall.' (D&C 1:16)

"What are we to fear when the Lord is with us? Can we not take the Lord at his word and exercise a particle of faith in him? Our assignment is affirmative: to forsake the things of the world as ends in themselves; to leave off idolatry and press forward in faith; to carry the gospel to our enemies, that they might no longer be our enemies."

"We must leave off the worship of modern-day idols and a reliance on the “arm of flesh,” for the Lord has said to all the world in our day, 'I will not spare any that remain in Babylon.' (D&C 64:24.)

His message closes with this electric statement:

"We believe that the way for each person and each family to prepare as the Lord has directed is to begin to exercise greater faith, to repent, and to enter into the work of his kingdom on earth, which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It may seem a little difficult at first, but when a person begins to catch a vision of the true work, when he begins to see something of eternity in its true perspective, the blessings begin to far outweigh the cost of leaving 'the world' behind."

"Herein lies the only true happiness, and therefore we invite and welcome all men, everywhere, to join in this work. For those who are determined to serve the Lord at all costs, this is the way to eternal life. All else is but a means to that end."

NOTHING is more important than returning with our spouses and children back into the presence of our Heavenly Father and our Savior.

NOTHING.

Not movies, parties, friends, television shows, clothes, money, ambition, hobbies, Facebook, blogging, Shakespeare, drama, music, sports, lessons, convenience, independence, prosperity, and on and on and on.

Nothing.

As the New Year swiftly approaches, I am examining the things that I am still clinging to in my life that are taking me away from Jesus Christ and my eternal goals.

And it hurts a little. But just like childbirth, the effort will be totally worth it.

Another quote from C.S. Lewis says it perfectly:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?"

"The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

To finish, I want to quote a man who came to know, while he was battling cancer, what it means to submit to God's plans for our lives. The late Elder Neal A. Maxwell said:

"The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we 'give' ... are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us." 

 The sacrifices we make will be worth it. I testify this is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Families vs. What "The World" Has to Offer

This morning I read some unkind comments that a woman had posted about large families, and it has me thinking this morning. (You can read the comments and the rebuttals here.)

Mostly, I'm sad and disturbed that there are people out there that really feel this way about large families like mine. It makes me sadder than I can say. :-(

I want to honestly look at a few of these prejudices out there about large families, and add my two cents to the issue.

As I understand it, here are the main issues that concern some people, regarding large families:


1) Kids in large families have to sacrifice in order to share their personal space.

It's true, that in a large family, there is less private space for each individual. They have to share bedrooms (many times with more than one sibling) and may not ever know what it is like to have a room all to themselves.

My first response to this is, why does our modern society feel that individual children should be given their own room/television/computer/play system to occupy themselves with? Why is there such a push toward isolation for children? Why do people feel that there can be such a thing as "too much" family time?

I believe that selfishness is the scourge of recent generations. Selfishness fuels all that is wrong in our society today: abuse, unkindness, divorce, abortion, etc.. And I believe that we as parents reinforce the "virtue of selfishness" when we teach our children to think only of themselves, and their wants.

Even if I had only three or four children, I would expect my children to share their bedrooms with their siblings. Why? Because in so doing, they learn lessons about sharing, about patience, about respecting others. They learn that the world is a place to work with others, to find compromises, and solutions that bless others-- not just themselves.


2) The older children become babysitters for the little ones.

Yes. This DOES happen. But those of us with large families do this out of more than necessity. We also do this ON PURPOSE because we believe we are raising future parents! We don't want our children to be ignorant and helpless when it comes to caring for children, because we believe that children ARE the future. We hope our children grow up to start families of their own. We believe that strong, loving families are the building block of successful societies, and we feel called to train our children to be the builders of the next generation. So they learn to wipe noses, to respond to a child's cries of hunger, to change diapers, to dress and care for someone with real needs.



3) Large family households are chaotic.

This is sometimes true, but I also know plenty of small families with chaotic households. I'm afraid we large families don't have the corner on that market! So, yes, there can be bigger messes, but we large families also have more people to help clean up those messes. :-)

Children who do chores learn how to take care of themselves. They learn how to cook, how to clean, how to effectively run a household. Adults outside our family who work with my children always compliment me on the practical skills that my kids have. My children have learned to be good workers, and know how to effectively work together to accomplish something good. Are they perfect? No. But they are learning and are being trained in their home. Our goal is for them to be equipped to navigate their adult lives with confidence and competence.


4) Haven't You Ever Heard of OVERPOPULATION???

I've had a few comments of this variety on my other blog, and I am surprised at how stubbornly so many people hold on to this unproven theory. In fact, this idea has been DIS-reputed over and over again, using mathematics and statistics, yet the general populace insists on defending and repeating this dogma in lock-step!

Here are some ACTUAL statistics* for you:

• In order for a culture to maintain itself for more than 25 years, there is a required fertility rate of 2.11 children per family.
• A rate of 1.3 children per family is impossible to reverse itself, because it takes 80 to 100 years to correct itself.
• As of 2007: the fertility rate in France was 1.8; the rate in England was 1.6; the rate in Greece was 1.3; Italy was 1.2; and Spain was 1.1
• In Europe, there is one group of people who do have a higher birth rate than the natives of each of these countries. Muslim immigrants have a fertility rate of 8.1 children per family in France, for example.
• Canada's fertility rate is 1.6
• Here in the United States of America, our current fertility rate is also 1.6 (With Latino immigration, the rate increases to 2.11).

The blog of another "Mom of Many," had this to say:

In an editorial review of the secular book, Empty Cradle by Phillip Longman the following is noted:

“Overpopulation has long been a global concern. But between modern medicine and reduced fertility, world population may in fact be shrinking - and is almost certain to do so by the time today's children retire. The troubling implications for our economy and culture include: The possibility of a fundamentalist revival due to the decline of secular fertility.”

Interesting. Some of them are noticing we’re multiplying—and they’re afraid.

Interestingly, while God’s people were slaves in Egypt, the Egyptian Pharaoh made the same observation as Mr. Longman and he grew fearful. In Exodus chapter 1 we read:

"But the children of Israel were fruitful and increased abundantly, multiplied and grew exceedingly mighty; and the land was filled with them. Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. And he said to his people, “Look, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we…”

Of course, when Longman speaks of the “troubling implication” of a “fundamentalist revival” he is not simply referring to Christians; he’s referring to any religious group that is having children—lots of them. But, the fact remains: another demographer is noticing that secular folks (and Christians who think like them) are shrinking in numbers.

Birth control, homosexuality, abortion, and women pursuing careers rather than marriage all contribute to the declining birth rate. Rather than view children as the blessing Scripture tells us they are, they are seen as “just another mouth to feed,” or as a burden that gets in the way of our personal goals.

Here are two videos that I think spells out the myths behind over-population very well:







I sincerely feel called to bring children into the world, into a loving home where they are taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

From where I stand, some of the disgust that people have for large families comes from a difference in priorities. To many, a big house, complete with a bedroom for each child, is a necessity. They feel that they simply cannot do without the newest model cars, designer clothes, convenience foods, and endless entertainment budgets.

Those of us with large families feel exactly the opposite. We willingly sacrifice the world's material goods in order to bring more children into our families. And by so doing, we are teaching our children what is really important.


The choices that each of us make in our lives strongly effect the next generation. Actions and example speak louder than words, and I hope we are telling our children loud and clear that THEY are more important than material goods.

As I believe they truly are. :-)



* You can read about national birth rates by scrolling down on this page to the Demographic Data Estimate charts

Big Families=GREEN!

I was so excited to read this article, because it puts into words the thoughts and gut-instincts about large families that I've had for a long time.

Here's an excerpt from the article:

Large families tend to buy used clothes, books, and toys, but we hang onto them, passing them down from child to child and even to family. The thermal onesie on my baby today? It started life keeping my nephew and niece warm, then went on to clothe every one of my eight kids so far.
Our family of 10 usually produces only three kitchen-sized bags of trash per week.
If you’re still feeling a little eco-guilt, go ahead and plug your own family’s stats into one of the many carbon calculators available online (try SafeClimate.net). You may be surprised at how “be fruitful and multiply” translates quite naturally into treading lightly on the earth.
According to the first three carbon calculators that Google turned up, my family of 10 consumes and emits less than the national average … the national average, that is, for a family of two. And we were just trying to get through the week.

http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/magazine/big_families_are_the_new_green/


Though I'm not of the Catholic faith myself, I can TOTALLY relate to this article! I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have. :-)

No Teenagers Allowed!

I admit that I am a very opinionated person. Lately I have done a lot of pondering, reading, praying, and thinking about one subject in particular, and I feel that I should share it here on my blog.

The thought is this:

I don't allow teenagers to live in my home.

That's it!

How, you are wondering, do my children who are age 13 and up still reside in our home?

The answer is, they live happy lives, complete with privileges and outside activities, as long as they don't act like obnoxious "teenagers." And, lucky for them AND me, very few teenagers ever show up around here. ;-D

So what is the definition of a teenager? Well, first I'll give you MY definition, and then I'll ask my three older kids (ages 16, 14, and 13) what THEIR definitions are and put their responses in my next blog post.


Teenagers do these things:

1. Display a bad attitude.
2. Are glued to their cell phones.
3. Text others when with someone in person.
4. Constantly obsess about members of the opposite sex.
5. Do not follow the principles clearly laid out in the "For the Strength of Youth" booklet.
6. Treat younger siblings with contempt.
7. Tear their family members down.
8. Avoid family activities.
9. Complain about chores, family activities, parental decisions, church duties,... (Fill in the blank here!)
10. Use phrases like "This is stupid," and "I'm BORED."
11. Care more about what their FRIENDS think, than what their parents and family thinks.

When I teach my weekly Shakespeare class to youth ages 12 and up, my number one rule is "No Teenagers Allowed!"

My class often looks at me, puzzled. I explain that I have no desire to teach "teenagers." That "teenagers" are not teachable, and are no fun to be with!

Then I let them know that I LOVE teaching Young Adults. Young Adults are more enjoyable to be around because they're respectful, they're kind, they're WAAAY more fun to be around than silly teenagers who like to roll their eyes, text on their phones, want to talk only about boys/girls, and refuse to participate and try new things.


Young Adults do these things:

1. They are excited about life!
2. They genuinely care about others.
3. They are content to just be friends and wait until they're older and more mature to start obsessing about members of the opposite sex. They don't pair off until they're ready to seek out a marriage partner.
4. They are courageous and are not afraid to try new things-- even if it's something potentially "embarrassing".
5. They are not afraid to stand up for what's RIGHT and follow the principles in the "For the Strength of Youth" booklet, even when a crowd of teenagers is pressuring them to "be like everyone else."
6. They like to have good, clean fun with other Young Adults.
7. They honor their parents, and show kindness to their siblings.
8. They like spending time with their families.
9. They ask their parents for advice, and respect their opinions.
10. They help around the house, and honorably fulfill their duties at home and at church.
11. They can TOTALLY be trusted!

Young Adults are AWESOME!!! :-)


Can you see why I'm not interested in having any teenagers around here? ;-)

Our Homeschooling Life

Partially because I was inspired by this post by Pioneer Woman, and partially because we are often asked by complete strangers as well as family members about how and why we homeschool, I thought I'd share how things work in our home, complete with pictures and bold-faced opinions galore. ;-D

The first question we always get asked, is "What made you decide to homeschool?". First of all, neither my husband nor I were unfamiliar with the idea of homeschooling. In fact, my husband had even been homeschooled for a semester when he was growing up. He loved it, and since he had a bad experience with being public schooled, he was all for keeping our kids at home. As for me, I had an amazing aunt who homeschooled my cousins, and another older cousin who was also homeschooling her kids. I have always really admired and looked up to these two ladies, and I liked the results I was seeing in their homeschooled children.


Then, when our oldest daughter was born, we talked about the idea of homeschooling her, but it seemed like something for the distant future. A little later, as she developed the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, I started to think about homeschooling more seriously. In a nutshell, children with this mild form of Autism have brains with severely UNDER-developed areas that are meant for social skills and understanding. They're not stupid, they're not "retarded," they just simply cannot understand nor adapt to social situations. I knew in my heart that forcing this little girl into daily social pressure would make her absolutely wilt. I simply could not see myself ever doing it.

In the meantime, we had three more children, and since they were turning out to be normal, social little people I started praying about whether I should send them to school, while I kept their older sister home. The answer startled and yet comforted me.

"No. Your children need to be at home with you."

Now it was official-- we were homeschoolers for the long haul!

Of course, every once in a while when things get frustrating, I get back on my knees to "double check." So far, the answer hasn't changed. And now, ten years later, we are seeing the happy results of our efforts in our home. Of course, our kids are FAR from perfect! But we are really enjoying the great people they're becoming.

So, is there a method to our madness? Those who come to our home and see our daily lives may or may not think so, but we have found what works for us, and we feel good about it! :-)


Thomas Jefferson Education: This is the foundation of our educational philosophies, and the reason we homeschool the way we do. In a nutshell:

• Each of our children receive one-on-one mentoring from my husband and I in subjects that interest them.
• My husband and I MUST set the example of studying. If we don't, then our kids won't want to study and learn, either. So study time for mom and dad is a HIGH priority! We want to "Inspire, not Require" academically. (But family chores and jobs ARE required of everyone!)
• The curriculum used is Classics-- and there are "classics" (works worth experiencing again and again) in EVERY area of study.
• We do not institute formal academic training until they are at least twelve years old. Before that age, they join in the "Kidschool" learning time, but we do our best to make it fun and relaxed. We do not require them to do assignments, nor do we expect them to be at a certain "level" at a certain age. We teach, we support, we encourage, and they learn at their own pace.
• Our older students, twelve and older, naturally-- without pressure or pushing-- enter their "Scholar Phase", where they choose to study between 8 to 10 hours a day in subjects that they choose with their mentors (Mom and Dad). Some enter this phase later than others, and there is no pressure or expectation on when they decide to become scholars.
• Reading classic literature aloud as a family, is also a very important part of our learning.
• For more detailed information on the "Thomas Jefferson Education" philosophy, see the "Introduction to TJEd" segment of this website: http://www.tjed.org/tjed/intro

The Four Year Plan: This is how I keep my mentoring ideas and our resources where we want them to be. The above book happens to be "Year One" of "The Four Year Plan" created by Ken and Teri Ebert. You can find their books and other products HERE.

Basically, we are on a Four Year rotation of the different subjects we plan to study in the areas of Gospel Study, History, and Science. Of course, reading, writing, and math happen all the time, so they're not included in the rotation.

Of course, we have adjusted their ideas to fit with our family's own needs and goals, but I have enjoyed using their books as a guide in helping me create our customized plan.

Here's what we're studying this year in our "Kidschool" (We're on Year Three):

• Gospel - Book of Mormon
• History- Geography
• Science - Earth Science & Astronomy

Our Gospel study coordinates with the LDS Seminary program, so that our seminary students won't be pulled in too many directions in their scripture study. And while I know that Geography is not really "History," I feel it's important, and found that studying the world's geography will help later in our subsequent history study.

Next year, we'll be studying:

• Gospel - Doctrine and Covenants/Church History
• History- United States
• Science - Physics

Here's a few pictures of our homeschool cork board that helps remind me and the kids about what we're studying.

Our Family Rules(Based on President Gordon B. Hinkley's "Nine Be's".)

History and Science

Gospel Study and Monthly Article of Faith
(We use the Article of Faith for Penmanship practice.)

The Month, Day, and Year




Our Current Family "Read-Aloud" Book
(As you can see, we're currently reading "To Kill a Mockingbird".)

One of these days, I'll post some links and descriptions of the other websites and resources we use. But since this post is long enough, I'll wish you all a good night. And if you have other questions, please leave a comment! :-)

One last thing: I know that God cares about ALL our children, and has a hand in our raising of them. I know that none of us should take our family's educational decisions lightly, and whether it's in the Lord's plans for us to homeschool, or to send kids to public, private, or charter schools, He will help us and support us all the way. We only need to ASK Him.

Love,
Rachel

A Family Vignette

Just some random family photos and thoughts for the day...

Morgie did not want her picture taken. I made her hold still and show off how cute she looked in her outfit that day. She thinks her mother is silly. And she's RIGHT.

This child, my "benevolent dictator," is not prone to drama at all. Nope.

Our Funny Man, Lliam. What more is there to say?

Bon-bon was born to dance. I'm thinking she might even be ready for lessons soon.
(I have pretty strong opinions about parents providing too many activities for really young kids. But she's 10 now, so I'm looking for a ballet class to fit her needs. Excitement and rejoicing at our house!)

Gavin wants to be a Jedi.

Serious Miss Dee-dee wants to follow in Bonny's dancing footsteps. We shall see...

Ronan being silly!
(His brother took this picture. I'm sure he would have been too shy to make this face for me.)

Our "Terrible Two": the most adorable trouble-makers you will ever meet!

Miss Ava was soooo tired.
("Mom, cut it out with the pictures. How about putting me to bed, already?")

Mommie-hood is just the bestest.
:-)

Victories for Traditional Marriage!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

I am so very VERY grateful that the people of Arizona, California, and Florida chose to protect and honor traditional marriage in their states. I am rejoicing for these results today!

The Debate Rages On...

It seems that everywhere I go, the debate of having children goes on and on. Even among members of the LDS Church, who since its inception, have valued children. Are we members of the Church now buying into the consumerist, worldly view so well that we cannot see the illogical conclusions the anti-family movement is coming to?!

Here's my response to a rather heated debate going on at an LDS, homeschooling message board I frequent:

The crux of the matter is the willingness to be obedient. Whether that means two children or ten. And NO, President Hinkley has NEVER come out and said that families should not have many children in order to avoid welfare. (If you have a source, quote it. Anything else is simple hearsay.) I DO remember when a letter was read in sacrament meeting about 3 years ago stating that members of the Church should not judge each other with regards to the size of their families, be they large or small.

I look at Europe and see their birthrate. It is literally KILLING their culture and their future. The replacement rate for the guarantee of a stable population is an average of 2.1 children per couple. And Europe is currently at 1.5. According to the book The Empty Cradle, (which is not an LDS book, btw) if the birthrate doesn't rise by 2020, there will be a projected 88 million fewer Europeans at the end of the century. That's simple MATH.

The above effect is what President Packer was addressing in his Women's Conference talk. I still have yet to understand WHY society no longer values children. It is sad, and confusing. And absolutely illogical.

In the Proclamation on the Family, it states "We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force." It is in the best interest of mankind for children to be born.

BTW, I have eight children (and we WILL have more, in case you were wondering), my husband is one of eleven children, and one of my best friends in the world has thirteen children. To imply that we must be on welfare to support our families is rude and insensitive-- and ridiculous. All of us have raised our families on ONE income-- and rather well, thank you. When the Lord says He will provide for those that obey His commandments, HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH.

Brigham Young said that the road to apostacy begins when we criticize our bishops. I can't even begin to IMAGINE how one can justify criticizing one of the Lord's own twelve apostles.

If you can't tell, I am sick of the debate members of the Church keep having on this issue. DO IT OR DON'T, BUT QUIT TAKING THE CULTURE OF THE WORLD AS THE GOSPEL TRUTH.

I am done today. If you would like Brigham Young's direct quote, I can give it to you. It can be easily found in the B.Y. Teachings of the Prophet manual.

Our ORIGINAL Family Crest

My husband and I have been creating our very own original family crest for YEARS! We finally finished it a few weeks ago, and I just turned it into digital format TODAY!

Our family motto, which will go underneath it when I finish the entire drawing, is
"Dominus Illuminatio Mea" which means, "The Lord is my Light."

Symbolism

The blue background stands for loyalty-- to God, to each other, to the truth.

The white tree represents our family: the roots acknowledge our ancestors, those who came before us; the trunk represents my husband and I and our eternal marriage; the branches represent our children, and the acorns are a manifestation of the the sweet fruit our efforts in raising our children will bear.

The tree is a mighty oak tree, and also signifies the leadership education going on in our home. The growth of the oak may seem slow, but that is because the roots are growing strong and spreading out, deep and wide. When the tree grows to its full height it will withstand all the storms of life.

The battlement division of the top represents our steadfastness through trials and hardship.

The ermine background of the top signifies our noble heritage, as children of God.

The five red losenges (diamond shapes) were taken from the ancient Keppner crest from Germany. Lined up in this manner, they represent noble blood, reminding us to never forget that God is our Father.

"Dominus Illuminatio Mea"

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families"

I recently rediscovered this amazing book, and I have seen some of the most beautiful changes in myself, my family, and the feeling in our home! It is written by Steven R. Covey, who has a warm tone to his writing, and really makes me feel that "I can do this!" Some of the things that really spoke to me are:

Habit #1-- Be Proactive

He speaks of a quote he read while on a Hawaiian sabbatical that says, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness."

I have decided to memorize this quote, because I have a real problem just immediately reacting to things my kids do. I never used to take the time to think and choose a response. I know that my kids were not being given help, real discipline, or a good example when I would fly off the handle. I have since made a conscious effort to improve, and the results have been astounding to me. My children now listen and obey more often than in the past. I find that I am hugging them more, and losing my temper less. When things get crazy, all I have to do is close my eyes, and think, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space..." In that instant, I can step back and trule analyze the situation and check myself. If all I got out of Dr. Covey's book was this one concept, it would be worth its weight in gold!

A Family Mission Statement

We have worked on a family mission statement in the past, but have never had one "stick." This is something that continues to evolve and change over time, with our family. In his book, Dr. Covey states, "For the most part, families don't have the kind of mission statement so critical to organizational success. Yet family is the most important, fundamental organization in the world."

I definitely agree with him, that the family IS the most important organization in the world. In reading further in the chapter, I found that he believes that the mission statement can come in many forms, like a song, a poem, or a piece of artwork. I then realized that my grandmother knew what she was doing when she chose a "family song" years and years ago. I have sung it with my amazing extended family time and time again over the years, and it still reminds me of who I am, and what I want out of life. Everytime I hear it or sing it, I am inspired to stand a little taller and be a little better.

In our own immediate family, we have finally-- after years of trying-- created our unique family crest. I have done years of study in the art of heraldry, and we have finally come up with something that speaks to us, and represents what our family is all about.

Dr. Covey says this about a family mission statement: "The mission statement itself has given us a clear, shared vision of the destination where we as a family want to go." This thought has impacted me tremendously. I am now examining what my goals are for my family. Where do I see my kids is the next five, ten, or even twenty years? What kind of "beautiful family culture" do my kids need in order to meet those goals and the vision we all have for our futures? He has some great tips and ideas on how to create a family mission statement in his book.

We CAN Be Successful

Lastly, I love this quote in his book, which was originally given by Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

We are all, truly, destined for great things, as are our husbands, and our children. We can be a light to them, and to our friends, associates, and the world. I want to be the woman that God believes I have the potential to be. I know I can do it, with His divine help.