Life Lessons

What a week this has been! But before I begin, I am not having a pity party, and I am not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. Rather, I have learned so much this week, that I simply HAVE to record all the tender feelings and life lessons I have learned, so that I never, ever forget to be kind and treat all God's children as the miracles they are.

Monday, I woke up to find that I was miscarrying.

*sigh*

This is the second miscarriage I have had since Eryn was born, the previous one happening on April Fool's day of this year. That makes six total for me.

I was only a few weeks along, but I was looking forward to having another sweet baby. I know my time of bearing children is nearly over, but I don't feel ready yet! I want to invite all the children God wants us to care for, and one more boy would be such a beautiful end to the wonderful family we have been blessed with.

But there are MY plans, and then there are GOD's plans. And I hope I finally know from personal experience that His always work out better than my own.

Monday was the day before my birthday. I thought that was hard enough.

The next day, I got word that a hastily written and posted article I had authored was not only being hotly debated, but that I had become the subject of ridicule and scorn.

My first reaction was to feel defensive about it, and justify my strongly-worded article. But as the day wore on, I decided to let go of any hurt and shock I was feeling, and just take in the criticism with a peaceful heart.

I now realize how the Lord had humbled me in preparation for a hurtful situation. I could have cried and sworn off of writing forever, or I could have waded into the discussion with indignation and anger. Instead, I found myself being changed and refined.

A few days later, I read this for the second time this year, and cried as I thought about the people I may have hurt with my opinionated article. And then, yesterday, my sweet Russell took me to see "The Help" and I sobbed all over again.

We are all fragile. Each person on this earth has magnificent hopes, crippling fears, and astounding dreams. And all of us sometime rush in with passion, unknowingly bumping and bruising souls all along the way.

I am sorry.

I am so sorry.

It was not-- it IS not-- my duty to rush in and "set people straight."

My words cannot be taken back. But I CAN learn a lesson from this experience. I CAN love people more fully, more tenderly, more sincerely, and more kindly.

I am so grateful for the chance to begin again.

"Remember that whatsoever measure you mete out to others, it shall be measured to you again." ~Joseph Smith