Monday, August 21, 2006
I had a sad epiphany today. I realized that I am always looking for the "next thing" to make me happy.
I spend time online I should be spending with my kids. (See, here I sit... :p )
I thought when I could buy a house, I'd be happy. Then I thought a bigger house would do it. Now I'm wondering if I'm just looking for something new and exciting again by moving.
What is it about *actually* LIVING life that scares me? I can't put my finger on why I'm so down! My DH is devoted to me, is a good man, supports us well. My kids are healthy, good kids, though a bit messy-- a.k.a. NORMAL.
I just can't seem to shake this mood lately. Maybe I'm pregnant...? *sigh*
I'm sorry. I guess I'm just venting. For some reason my perfectionism is keeping me from doing the things I know I should do that will make me happy-- like exercise, prayer, singing with my kids, laughing, reading aloud, de-cluttering my bedroom...
Maybe I just needed to write these feelings out so I'll do the above.
I'll report back later.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Sometimes the answer to our prayers is "Not yet."
We are NOT moving to our hometown, we are staying put. My dear husband got a job yesterday, and it is a GOOD thing, because he will stay at the same high salary as his last job. However, he will be commuting for an hour each way, and that will take some adjusting to.
So what about our answer to "go home?" Well, we just feel it has been postponed. This contract job will provide the means for us to catch up on our bills, and prepare to "go home" sometime in the future.
Actually, we were so blessed by this last period of unemployment. We got into some more debt, but we did not struggle at all, and we were able to be with family for nearly the entire month of July. My mother and I really needed each other right then, and God was gracious enough to give us that time together. He really did have a plan for us, all along. I am so glad I never worried. All I felt through my many prayers was PEACE. I knew that everything would be alright.
With public-schooled children starting back to school here this week, my mind is turning to our educational goals and plans for this year. I am browsing through my various homeschool catalogues, while praying and pondering. I am tweaking our "Master Plan," which includes the goals and plans I feel the Lord has for myself and my children. For example, my eldest daughter needs some more structure, as she is moving into Scholar Phase-- what an exciting, yet scary time! And I have now-- OFFICIALLY-- been accepted to George Wythe College's Distance Studies program. (I am thrilled and terrified at the same time.) I will be working even more on setting a good example, and it will be a blessing for our entire family, though certainly not easy!
No matter what answers I get, I know that God's plan for me is the right one. Putting my hand in His and trusting Him like a child is really all He is asking of me. In my experience, in doing so, things always work out better than I could ever have imagined!