This post was originally published at Latter-Day Homeschooling on January 19, 1012. It has been updated and edited since that original post.
Lately it seems that I've been inundated with the desperate question, "How do you keep homeschooling through high school?!" I have some pretty strong opinions on the subject, but hopefully I can effectively articulate why I encourage homeschooling moms to "stick it out" through the teen years.
Why do so many homeschooling parents send their teens to high school?
There comes a point in the lives of most homeschooled teens when they want to do something more than spend time with their parents and siblings at home. This is not an indication that homeschooling has failed you or your family, or that parents have done anything wrong in homeschooling their children.
It is a perfectly normal process for EVERY teen-- homeschooled or not-- to take a second look at the things they have been taught and believe to be true. This is the transition to adulthood, and it's a GOOD thing! Every person needs to come to their own conclusions about truth and right in order to establish and fortify the core beliefs that will be the foundation for their adult lives.
This time of spiritual examination is also a very tender, fragile thing. The strength of many people's testimonies are greatly effected by the decisions and circumstances surrounding this time of life. In a confused and lost society such as ours is it any wonder that so many mainstream youth fall away during the important teen years?
In the midst of all the teen confusion and unrest, many youth-- and their parents, I might add-- interpret their disorientation as an empty space that can only be filled with two words: High School. In their fear, these amazing youth and their concerned parents give up the idea of homeschooling through the teen years, and turn their education back over to the world.
And it's completely unnecessary. More on this in a moment.
Another reason so many homeschooling parents end up sending their kids off to high school is very easily explained, yet it also has the same root: fear. They are afraid that they can't teach algebra or chemistry, or calculus. Or they begin to fear that their child will be deprived of the high school events (like prom) or opportunities (like choir, orchestra, drama and sports) that their peers have.
As a side note, I know some people who were sent to high school after being homeschooled as children. And even though they may have been the ones who BEGGED to go back to school, they unequivocally all tell me that they wish their parents had stuck it out, and kept them at home.
Looking toward the Future (or "What about college?!")
Okay, so we all can understand WHY youth and parents give up homeschooling during the teen years, but why should we concern ourselves with this trend in homeschooling? I mean, at least they were homeschooled when they were younger. Right?
Well, yes.
And no.
Choosing to homeschool is a HUGE decision, and not one that anyonetakes lightly. I get that; I've been there. But homeschooling is not so much about where a child sits to be educated, as it is about embracing an entire lifestyle and family culture.
Even with the acceptance of the lifestyle and confirmation we get from small homeschool victories and domestic harmony, eventually most parents start to feel the fear and pressure of their children's futures looming ever closer. *Questions starting from "How can I prepare my child to take the ACT/SAT test?", "How do I create a transcript?" and"Should my child get a diploma or take the GED?" usually escalate to questions like "Will my/their favorite college accept homeschoolers?"and "What about scholarships?".
And if a parent then also forgets the reasons they homeschooled in the first place, and dismiss seeking out inspiration from the Lord, the fear and panic of the unknown can set in and take over quickly. But if we stay in tune to the Spirit and calmly look to other experienced homeschooling parents and to our Heavenly Father for the answers to our questions, the fear subsides and peace returns.
By the way, I want to quickly answer some of the *Questions above:
- Look at www.khanacademy.com and other websites, as well as local community classes, to easily find help and support in preparing for the ACT or SAT tests.
- A simple search online can give you several options for creating your child's home school transcripts. (My personal favorite is www.thehomescholar.com.)
- Neither a diploma NOR the GED is required to attend most colleges-- especially community college, several of which do not even require an ACT or SAT score.
- Most colleges today go out of their way to recruit homeschooled students, and many, MANY homeschoolers go to college on full scholarships.
- Just do your homework for the colleges you and your child find interesting, and make your plans from there.
Beyond College
I am going to be brutally honest here: I hope my children grow up and marry other homeschoolers so that my grandchildren will also be homeschooled.
Yes, I have dared to utter this desire aloud because it's the honest-to-goodness truth for me! Yes, I may be an idealist and a hopeless dreamer, but I believe in setting goals. And if I want my family's hopes and dreams to come true, I have to think through the possibilities my children's futures hold.
So I am asking these questions: If wave after wave of homeschooled families give up and send their teens back to High School, then WHO will marry the teens who continue to homeschool through the teen years? Who do they date when they come home from their missions? Do I really want to just send my children off to college (Yes, even Church run schools) and hope that they can find someone to marry who will desire, much less understand, homeschooling?
What Youth Really Need
Going back to that idea that youth around the age of twelve begin to want something "more," I wish to share some alternatives to sending high school age kids back into the publicly-funded school system.
It's a fact that most youth begin to feel the draw of having peers near their age and maturity level once they reach the teen years. They naturally want people besides their family members with whom they can discuss their thoughts and ideas. In fact, they feel a great desire to see what their peers are doing and measure themselves in academic and spiritual comparison. As I stated above, this is perfectly normal and right. But it is also true that this adult transition period is fraught with dangers our children may not come out of spiritually unscathed. Thus it is of greatest importance that homeschooled youth have other homeschooled friends and comrades to socialize with.
If you haven't witnessed a group of homeschooled teens getting together to learn, work OR play, you have missed out! It is delightful! They don't sit and text in the presence of one another, they don't talk about frivolous things like the physical attributes of members of the opposite sex, what fashions they or their friends are wearing, the latest pop artists, or of the stupidity of their parents and teachers. Instead, they discuss books they're reading or experiments they're trying (actually, they usually just start impromptu experiments right then) or start singing and jamming on instruments, or discuss philosophy and politics.
The most effective of teen gatherings I have seen involve regular, shared learning in small-ish groups with caring, inspiring adult mentors. These teens need to be with their peers, but they also need guidance from adults they can trust that are not their parents. And their parents need to know that these mentors can be trusted to strongly reinforce truth. These mentors can be powerful second witnesses for the parents and the values they have sought to instill in their children.
When I know my children's friends' parents, I enthusiastically encourage them to spend time with one another. I am more willing to facilitate and transport my children to various events and classes. These familial relationships are the glue that holds the teen relationships together!
And when I know the beliefs, the habits, and the environments of these other families, I begin to make mental notes and secret plans about the possibilities in my children's futures. Of course, these huge decisions for their lives will ultimately be up to them! (Yes, they really WILL be!) But again; a mom can dream, right???
You Can Do It!
So how do you find a group like this for your teens? Well, first of all, there is always the wonderful, helpful Internet. There are MANY e-mail lists and homeschool support groups out there, so find one in your area that works for your family, and dive in. If these groups don't offer teen events or classes, and especially if you cannot find an LDS homeschool group in your area, START SOME.
This may seem like a daunting prospect, but when we remind ourselves that we are doing this for our children, we begin to have strength and skills we never knew we had! There are many, MANY possibilities in this arena, so don't limit yourself. Simply consider your child and their needs and interests, do a bit of homework, add in a lot of prayer and involvement, and begin. These classes don't need to be complicated, but they should be something your child-- and you-- will enjoy doing.
Some great places to start for ideas, and even for ready-made classes can be found
here and
here. (And if you know of others online or elsewhere, please share the links and other information in the comments!)
Start a teen book club and let your child choose the first book to discuss. Be sure to help lead the discussion, but don't take it over, and don't be afraid of long, quiet pauses in the beginning weeks or months. (They're thinking-- so don't interrupt! wink)
Or take a good look at your skills and abilities, and go from there. I've created choirs, cooking groups, sword-fighting events, and taught Shakespeare classes and drama groups. Some have been successes, and some haven't been, but they HAVE been what my children needed at the time, so I press on.
If you do have moms in your area that are teaching youth classes or leading youth groups, be brave and join in. As a parent, be sure to become involved in the group, too, as much as you can. This will help you get to know the other parents, which will in turn help your child have the best experience possible. Just dropping your child off at a weekly or monthly class does nothing to build and solidify the homeschooling community, so get involved! The friendships and support you glean from these situations will be a valuable gift you can give to your family and yourself.
Above all, remember that Heavenly Father gave you these children to raise. He loves them even more than you do, so seek his counsel in everything. He will give you the strength and confidence you need to then turn and give your children the educational and life experiences they require for a successful future.
Even when it involves homeschooling teens.
You can do it!!!
Love, Mama Rachel
