Finding Balance

The Responsible Woman by James C. Christensen

Lately, I've been overwhelmed with the many roles I am playing. (And I don't mean on the stage-- I wish!)

Wife, Mother, Teacher, R.S. Secretary, TJEd mentor, AzLAF President, Writer, Visiting Teacher, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. I've been a jumbled mess, trying to fit it all in, but not succeeding at anything. Last weekend, I finally just "broke." I postponed thinking about anything but the absolutely vital. It was actually very healing for me, and I was able to hear the Spirit as he reminded me of some things that I had been prompted to do, but had put off.

Now that I have stepped back a bit, I am trying desperately to prioritize the many things in my life. I recognize that *I* am the only one who put myself in this dilemma, and so it's my responsibility to "fix it." Most of the things I am involved in, are things that I CANNOT quit. I cannot-- and would not-- walk away from my calling, my family, my mission, my education, homeschooling, my TJEd organization...

I am thinking that there are too many "my's" in the above sentence.

My heart is beginning to help me see that my focus should be on the Savior, Jesus Christ. What HE would have me do. What are the things that truly help Him build His kingdom?

I will be pondering much more on this in the coming days...

Flashes of Inspiration-- Part 2: UPDATE

"Well, I did it! I have finally finished arranging the hymn I was working on, and it feels great! (Except for the fact that my house is mess because of all the time I've spent working on my music!) We'll see how people react when it is performed tonight at my ward's Relief Society Enrichment Night."

"It's an arrangement of 'As Sisters in Zion' using three part women's vocals, with violin and piano accompanying. I'll update this post later tonight!"

UPDATE:

I'm late. Oops...

I recieved many compliments on the song, and I was very pleased with how it turned out. However, I can also now recognize where it needs improvement, and I hope to tackle the rough spots soon. The harmony was not as straightforward as it should have been, and the vocalization did not have the levels of interest I had hoped it would. Despite the problems, I am grateful for the inspiration I feel truly came from the Lord. Someday the piece will live up to its potential!

I have been pondering lately about the tendency I have to expect things to be finished and "good enough" the first time I try something. For example, I have a cousin who once got me really excited about rubberstamping and scrapbooking. She and I would create cards and page layouts, but when I was ready to finish, she would continue on, tweaking and changing things until she felt it was "just right." I shook my head in wonder, thinking, "C'mon, it's good enough! On to the next thing!" But when she would show me her finished project, I was so impressed with the beauty her determined efforts had produced.

The past year or two, I have tried my hand at writing fiction-- something I've never been truly successful doing. I have a notebook of story ideas, but nothing finished. I've been so terrified that I might work my heart out on a story, only to have it turn out to be-- well, a complete failure. Badly conceived, badly written. I even joined an e-mail writing group, where each person shared some of their writing and then each participant gave an honest critique. THAT was discouraging! I was not an experienced enough writer to realize that their ideas were worth considering. It just hurt a whole lot! After conversing with some other writers, and stretching my efforts on my blog and my website, I'm learning that just because my first draft was "bad," does not mean that the story is not worth renewed efforts.

As a person, I am not a "finished product." I need lot of work, being refined and changed, until I reach my full potential. I may never arrive at that place in this life-- however, I am worth working on! I definitely could use a good editing session now and then! But that does not mean that my efforts should be cast aside and given up. I have a work here to do on this earth, and God can help me become the woman He knows I can be.

What better Editor can any of us have?